What's Modest?

I've heard this question a million times and I've asked that same question:
Is showing your cleavage a sin? Can I wear loose pants? What is the best length of a skirt?
I could go on and on.
Growing up in a Christian home I saw ladies wearing frumpy, picking cotton, don't care dresses. It made my stomach curdle. I wanted to look nice and modest at the same time.
Soon after hitting puberty, my hips began to spread and I was officially a curvy black woman! My mom didn't want any of my curves to show, so I was forced to wear that over sized shirt that none of the teen girls wanted. Long sweaters and skirts that were 4 sizes too big. I didn't think it was modest I thought it was frumpy, dated and ridiculous! I argued with the "modesty" issue and never seemed to get the point. I knew that a lot of religions and cultures had their dress standards, but couldn't quite grasp the "Christian" modesty dress code. Mind you, I was never defiant or rebellious when it came to what I wore. I never would change into something else at a party, maybe at a sleepover, going to the store the in pajamas. Oops! I wasn't suppose to say that!
After getting married, my husband loved me but not my clothes. I thought, Finally! No more frump, frumps. I started wearing clothes that fit me. After joining my husbands church, I was now a youth pastor's wife and a choir member. Which meant I was in leadership: panty hose to church, no splits in my skirt, no sleeveless anything, no sandals to church. What?!?!
I have struggled with the dress code for my own selfish reasons. It took me out of my comfort zone, but I've come to grips that its not all about me.